Welcome to the abyss....

There are days when I start out productive and on a good note and I have high hopes and desire to actually leave the house and take the boys on an adventure. Today was one of those days. I felt pretty good. The sun was shining, I had gotten things done quicker than normal (or maybe it just seemed that way since I woke up an hour early) and the boys seemed to be happy enough for me to handle taking them out. Remember the scene in the movie Finding Nemo when Dory and Marlin are seduced by the light in the dark abyss. They fall into this happy state which quickly dissolves when they turn to see what's really on the other side of their 'happy place'~terror in the form of a fish that wants to eat them for lunch. Yeah, that's exactly what happened to me. My feelings quickly got shot down and my day turned to hell. My happy, productiveness turned to a headache, loss of desire to do anything, anxiety attacks and what seems to be constant rise in blood pressure. My heart is pounding so loudly, I can hear it. My irritability level has sky rocketed and I am about to loss any sense of sanity that remains. A trip out of the house will not happen today. I almost can't breath just thinking about walking outside. There's no pushing myself to do it. Not today. Maybe a nap will be in order. Maybe that will reset my day. One can only hope. In the meantime I will 'just keep swimming'.