A Smile Emerges....

Today went rather well. After going to bed at midnight and an eventful night with Brenden, I had a feeling it would be a rough one. I am not sure why but he has been waking up for the past three nights around 2:30 am and will not go back to sleep until almost 6 am. He will toss and turn and ask for a bottle, music box or his blanket. Anything that he knows may soothe him back to sleep. He insist on me being there. I nod off occassionally but only for brief moments.

Anyway, I was up at 7:30 praying to fall back to sleep for at least 30 more minutes. Didn't happen, Oh well. I'm thinking to myself that this is going to be one long day because I am tired and still really loopy from the meds. Then I open the blinds. A sunny day appears before me. The birds are searching the grass for their breakfast and are not bothered by my presence. Well, this is hopeful.

I spent part of my day online but most of it playing with the boys. Wrestling, digging 'lost toys' out of the toy box, contructing an African safari with zoo animals on the bedroom floor, creating funny people with playdoh and even a little game of basketball. At one point I actually caught myself skipping down the hall. I almost feel like my real self. It helps that my Sister has been cheering me up with little notes here and there online or via text messages.

Making dinner was tough. Jeff was still at work and Kaitlyn went to a church youth group session with a friend from school. The boys decided to be difficult and I felt like I was losing control. It's hard for me to focus on multiple things these days and Brenden decided to take this opportunity to climb on things, get into stuff he knows he shouldn't get into and just overall be as onery as he can. Stephen is not too bad just mouthy from time to time. Mostly plays quietly and shouts out what Brenden is doing. Nothing really out of the ordinary but I feel like I am just running in circles, trying to focus on dinner (although tonight it's only corn dogs and tater tots), running back and forth dealing with Brenden and constant dialogue with Stephen. So, my stress level rises, blurry vision begins, hard to swallow, heart racing, the room starts to sway.....take a deep breath, remember that it's just a moment in time and it will pass as quickly as it started. Better. I gave Brenden something entertaining to do, told Stephen to play quietly and finished dinner. No more drama, I can focus. Deep breath, stress fades, the room still teeters a little but is slowly coming to a stand still.

So, now I sit here typing out my blog. The house is quiet. Everyone is doing their own thing but peacefully. Nice change of pace around here. Still, I look forward to bedtime and pray that 3 am passes without me staring at the clock. I look forward to tomorrow and the chance to have another successful day. One step, one day at a time and today....I'm still holding on. :)