Well, I guess that when you are mentally unstable, you no longer have the right or ability to choose not to see your therapist anymore.

I called to see if I could get my medication changed. The earliest appt. I could get was April 20th, even after stating that I was having major issues. And that appt. was no with my regular doctor. Jeff took matters into his own hands and called back. This time he was sent to the emergency psychiatric advice nurse who talk about God knows what with him. I was asked to speak with him, so I did. The end of our conversation ended in him (the person on the phone) 'suggesting' that I be admitted into the hospital for a brief stay to help with some of my problems. I declined. Then follows a 'suggestion' for an intense out-patient treatment that is three-five days a week and lasts for 3 weeks. Declined. Final option, I need to return to see my therapist this Weds. ~sigh~ I chose option #3. Not looking forward to it or even see the point but I agree to it. And I have to go to see a psychiatrist next week. Oh joy!

Maybe I'm in more denial than I think. Maybe things really are worse I am admitting to myself. Does that make me a bad person? I already feel extremely frustrated that I am putting everyone through this crap, that I mope around like a spoiled child who doesn't get their way, that nothing I use to love to do excites me anymore, I push people away and want to be left alone. I feel useless and hopeless and like I'm letting everyone down. I still put on my happy face and do my little song and dance from time to time but inside it's different. I feel torn and broken. And I don't know if that can ever be fixed.